ZOMG!
by Light in the Rain
Summary: Neki and Reni are taking a vacation. To Wonderland. God help us all. Sora Riku POV :After BtD: Complete
1. A Break From Abnormality

Kingdom Hearts: ZOMG!

Summary: Neki and Reni are taking a vacation. To Wonderland. God help us all. (Sora/Riku POV) :After BtD:

cHaPtEr 1: A Break From Abnormality

Neki© Kitty Fetish and Light of Heaven

Reni© Black Rainy

Sora and Riku© Square Enix

So-chan's POV

I told her evil waits for no one… Sadly, she's never listened to anything I said. The one time she did, she ended up jumping off a cliff.

Long story, don't ask.

I'm so annoyed that I'm almost missing that idiot older "sister" of mine. Almost, of course. I'm rambling, however, let's get back to what's happening now.

Now, Reni is currently being chased by the monk-err…gorillas…Screaming, flailing her arms, the works. I haven't been this embarrassed since Neki put a bug in my food and I ate it. Now isn't the time for flashbacks…

"Sora!" The annoying one screams for me to save her. I wonder if I should or not, but before I can turn around to walk away she shouts, "Neki'll kill you if I'm not there when we find her and Riku!" Damn. Pulling the Neki card should be considered foul play.

"Fine!" I yell, grab a nearby vine, summon the key blade, and pull a Tarzan, "GET AWAY FROM HER YOU APES!" I scream at them on my way down, landing with a thud next to Reni. As I fought off the gorillas, I wonder what Reni did with Donald and Goofy…

Finally the gorillas fled, and Reni sat with a sigh on the ground. I see a barrel a few meters away, and run over to see if there's some munny in it. Right before I can however, Reni screams at me not to, followed by an inaudible scream about Donald and Goofy. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground with Reni on top of me, and Donald and Goofy climbing out of the barrel.

I don't even want to know how the heck they got in there...

Reni sat up and sighed in frustration, "This sticks!" She whined, "We've looked all over! Neki, Riku, and Kairi aren't here!" She falls back against the debris of leaves and dead vines with another sigh, "I want a vacation."

I lean back as well and nod, "I do too, but we have to find our friends!" I note that I'm whining as well and shake my head, "Why don't we find this key hole thing we have to lock and get the heck out of here?"

Reni nods quickly and stands, then helps me up. I give her a small thanks and we start for the giant tree house that Reni and I landed in when we accidentally pressed the button that releases people from their seats. In other words, we went flying into space, and crash landed next to an ape man…Yeah. I just love fighting with a giant shiny key…

Reni hooks her bow behind her back and follows my lead silently. From there we talked to Tarzan, followed him around for a while, fought that one ugly guy with the shot gun that I know Neki would be crooning over, and before long, made it to the damned waterfalls that we were supposed to find three hours fifty-eight minutes and four point seven seconds ago!

I can feel my eye twitch as Reni squeals and starts to climb up the rocks before me, then crying when her skirt starts to ride up, and she doesn't have a foot hole to get onto the rock. I find a different way up, then grab her wrists and pull her onto the first rock. Only at least one million more to go!

I think I'm getting frustrated again…

Finally, after basically groping Reni on five different occasions to get her up to the top, and getting an unwanted panty shot seven and a half times, we finally made it to a really big and old looking tree.

"THAT'S IT?!?" Reni cried wildly, and I can feel a piece of myself die of. My will to live. It'd be sooo easy to make the torture end…Sadly, Neki would kill herself, just to find me as a heartless so she could kill me for leaving Reni alone on a world with a pervert guy wearing a loin cloth for clothes… I'd be dead before I could even get it over with…

I now notice that I'm being shoved toward the tree, "What?" I ask.

Reni comes from behind me and points angrily at the tree, "Lock it already. Then we're going on a vacation!"

"Reni, evil waits for no one."

"LOCK IT!" She cries shrilly again and jabs at the air in the direction of the newly formed key hole that definitely wasn't there when I started my rant.

Another thing to notice. I told her evil waits for no one. You all heard it. But guess what… We're going on a vacation anyway. I'm just scared because the only other world path we have open leads to Wonderland and Olympus Coliseum. One will strip me of sanity, and the other with strip me of my skin and dignity.

Reni pretty bad ass with that bow of hers…It's scary…

With that finished, Reni starts to drag me to the save point in the cavern, and before I know it, we're back on the gummy ship.

"So where are we going for this 'vacation'?" I ask her warily. She looks back at me with a deranged smile and I know that I now look like I just saw a ghost, "Oh no…"

"Oh yes."

"Oh please no…"

"Wonderland."

I didn't think it was actually possible to scream so loud and high pitched that glass will break. I always thought it was an embellishment. Of course I forget to mention that Neki actually scream high enough that she broke a glass of water and my bedroom window…But I believed that that was a fluke…

Let's just say that my scream made me think otherwise.

End

**A/N: Light of Heaven here. Just a little side story of our non-existing sequel. It gives you a little insight into who went with who after Before the Door ends and the Kingdom Hearts part begins. Sorry about the short-ness... It doesn't get funny really until Neki and Reni are reunited for a little... (hint)**

**Next chapter is from Riku's POV with Neki and a bunch of darkness obsessed old people. Tune back in for more!**

**Light**


	2. There's Crazy, Then There's Insane

Kingdom Hearts: ZOMG!

Summary: Neki and Reni are taking a vacation. To Wonderland. God help us all. (Sora/Riku POV) :After BtD:

cHaPtEr 2: There's Crazy, Then There's Insane

Neki© Kitty Fetish and Light of Heaven

Reni© Black Rainy

Sora and Riku© Square Enix

Ri-kun's POV

Chapter 2:

"Why are we sneaking into Ansem's room again?" I asked sullenly to the blonde haired girl in front of me. She turned around with a scowl on her face and made a 'shushing' motion with her free hand. Her other hand was gripped tightly on the door handle leading to the room of the one and only creepy guy wearing all black who yells about darkness every ten minutes.

Which reminds me…

"DARKNESS IS FOREVER!!!"

That's more like it…

"We're sneaking into his room for a boxer raid!" she hisses at me and proceeds to open the door, wincing when it squeaks, and creep inside. I shut the door behind me with a shake of my head.

"Is a boxer raid really necessary?"

She turned to look at me again with a grin and a twinkle in her rust colored orbs, "But of course! Who do you think authorized that panty raid last week? Ansem! They took my favorite pair, and now Oogie uses it for a napkin!" Her face scrunched up cutely in disgust at the mention of the bug filled villain, "Come on!"

I followed her slowly to the dresser next to the bed. She opened one of the door, then the one below it and finally the bottom one before turning to face me with a grave frown. Without speaking, she grabbed my wrist and started dragging me out of his room, despite my inquiries as to what was going on.

Once we were safe and sound back in the room that the two of us shared—not like that of course. There were two beds—she about faced and screamed loudly, as if she had just walked in on Maleficent bathing. Which is not a pretty sight, believe me…

"What?!?" I screamed and grabbed her shoulders to keep her from screaming into the pillow she was holding, "What did you find?"

"No boxers. No briefs. No whitey tighties. Nothing! HE DOESN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR!" Her eye started twitching and I removed my grip on her so she could jump onto her bed and scream.

"My god…That's unsanitary!"

"I'M NEVER TOUCHING THAT SCRYING CAULDRON AGAIN!" Neki wailed miserably, her face still immersed in the pile of pillows, "THAT IS JUST SICK AND WRONG!!!" Her voice cracked and she let out a sob, "Sick and wroooooong…"

"I have to agree…"

Suddenly she shot up and sat on the balls of her feet with an evil grin.

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes…"

"Neki please don't!" I pleaded, but it was too late.

"EVIL VILLAIN GROUP MEETING!" she screeched and rushed out the door to inform the other villains, leaving me to follow in the wake of her destruction.

When I reached the room with the scrying cauldron, the other villains were already there, and Neki had a bottle of cleaning supplies, and to my dismay, was scrubbing at said cauldron with a sponge and window cleaner.

"Neki that's window cleaner."

"I know, but it's all I could find." She stood and looked around the room, before huffing angrily, "Where is he?!"

"Are you talking about me? DARKNESS IS ETERNAL!" Neki winced and whipped around to glare at the man in the black coat who had just spoken.

"Yes! You are sick and disgusting and, and, and DISGUSTING! Do you know that we could all get sick because of you?" Maleficent started to speak up, but Neki cut her off, "No, hear me out. This man you see before me, has the most despicable, horrid, inexcusable bad habit of all time! I'm outraged! It's immoral, erroneous, and every other synonym for the words sick and wrong! HE DOESN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR!"

As if they had just heard that there was a plague that was only in this room, everyone took a step away from the cauldron and each other, well all except for Maleficent, who was frozen in place from shock.

"Yes! He doesn't wear under garments! He could be scratching himself and wiping it on the walls! He could be peeing while he walks! He could be," Neki stopped and blanched from the mental image, "Needless to say, you—Ansem—need to shape up, get some morals, and go underwear shopping! Now," she bowed to the other villains before turning to face me, "I think I need a vacation."

She grabbed a hold of my elbow on her way out and opened a portal to tuna knows where, dragging me towards it.

"Where are we going?!?"

"Wonderland."

I could tell I paled considerably as I fought against her hold on me, "I'D RATHER STAY WITH THE DARKNESS OBSESSED OLD GUY WHO DOESN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR!"

"TOO BAD!"

And that was that.

"DARKNESS LIVES ON!"

End

**A/N: The second, and final installment of the Vacation series. You don't get to see what happens until the sequel to Before the Door. So I hope you enjoyed this little bit of insight of the sequel, and I hope to see you there!**

**Light**


End file.
